The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings Interviews
by TraffyWolf10
Summary: *On hold* Have you ever had those questions you've been dying to ask your favorite characters from the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings? Have you ever wanted to drive those characters you hate through physical and mental torture? Well now you can! Read on to find out how the beings of Middle Earth will react to being trapped inside a dwarvish room forced to do everything you say!
1. Chapter 1

_**The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings Interviews**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own The Hobbit, the Lord of the Rings or anything else mentioned here, they all belong to their respectable owners. I only own my ideas.**_

**Ok well this is just a random entertaining idea I had and decided to put down into words. So the basic idea is that the company, fellowship or any extras (including the carrot man!) will be forced to carry out requests or answer questions that you (the audience) can come up with.**

**I only have one request for you guys and that is to keep it age appropriate and no swearing.**

**Apart from that you have free reign so be as creative or uncreative (is that a word) as you can/want to be. **

**Be prepared for slight ooc characters (I'll do my best to keep them in character though) a few snobby kings (no offence to Tranduil and Thorin. They are both awesome, especially when Thranduil did a five head decapitation on an elk!) A few plotting, reckless idiots (aka Merry, Pippin, Fili and Kili) a dragon or two and some unicorns (you never know what could happen...)**

**Well i should probably make a quick summary as to why the characters are actually agreeing to answer questions and requests. And also there isn't really a time this is set in but, Erebor has been reclaimed and the events of The Lord of the Rings are over. All characters are alive and well (for now).**

_OK so basically Fili and Kili were bored one afternoon and came up with the idea of having an interview with all of their favorite and least favorite people of Middle Earth (including Azog, Sauron and saruman). On their way to 'convince' these people to take part in the interview they meet up with Merry and Pippin who agreed to help. _

_Their idea then expanded into having these people called fans, (explained to a very confused Fili and Kili by Merry) making requests and asking questions, by sending letters via raven and/or owl._

_So after many Smelly socks hidden under thrones, threats of burning off beards, cutting hair, bribery, and the stealing of several very furious wizards hats and staffs, the four managed to convinced many Men, Dwarves, Eleves, Hobbit, Orcs, Golbins, Wizards, whatever the hell the Gollum is and several others to 'march' as they called it, into a rather confined room. This room happened to also have dwarvish doors and walls to prevent any chance of escape which the prisoners had to admit was a farely smart idea by the captors standards._

_Once they had all entered Pippin they proceed to swallow the key whole (which he regretted many days later for reasons you will soon come to understand). This room also happened to have one hole in it which the ravens and owls used to enter and exit (Needed some way for them to enter right? Better ideas are welcome though)._

**Ok so that's the summary. If you are confused about any of this feel free to ask, and if you have any questions or requests you can review or PM me. Oh and any character can be questioned/requested including Merry, Pippin, Fili and Kili, and the questions/requests can related to both the books and the movies**

_**That's all (I think).**_

_**Bye for now.**_


	2. 2 Getting Started

**Disclaimer****_: I do not own anything mentioned in this story. It all belongs to their respective owners._**

**Before I begin this chapter I would like to thank anyone who chose to follow/favourite this story, and also anyone who left a review with a question or otherwise. It means a lot to me.**

**Also if I have left any questions out I apologise deeply and if you leave a review or PM letting me know I will be sure to add it in straight away.**

**Chapter 2: The Beginning**

***1 hour after capture***

Gandalf sighed as he leaned his forehead against the enchanted stone dwarf door dejectedly.

"Why oh why did you four have to have a sudden spike of cleverness? The gods know you could never have thought this up without it." Gandalf growled, glaring pointedly at the four mischievous hobbit and dwarf trouble makers .

Of course all they did was give an identical impish grin which was quite scary considering many people involved in the story of middle earth were all trapped inside a sealed room with the four fools. The poor dejected looking souls were certain they were destined to die in the company of quite possibly the greatest idiots in all of middle Earth.

"Well before you all think you are going to die glaring at us like we did something wrong, I will inform you, there is one way out." Merry said his devious grin growing into a cavernous hole that stretched his face in a most painful looking way.

"Which is?" Gimli grumbled, not only angry at the four mischievous dwarves and hobbits, but also himself for being an ignorant fool and allowing himself be tricked into this room with the promise of a fight with Legolas in order to settle their score once and for all. Although the dwarf had to admit the foolish four had cunningly thought out every inch of their plan.

"Oh well that's simple really," Fili took his turn to speak, "All you have to do is answer some questions."

Kili interjected quickly, "Well by some we really mean a lot. Or until everyone is content that is."

"We're all content now. Does that mean we can leave?"Bofur muttered.

"Oh he wasn't referring to you. He was referring to the _Readers_ of course." Pippin said adding unnecessary emphasise to the word readers.

"Readers? What on Middle earth do you mean by that?" Gandalf said his patience wearing thin as he had yet to punish the four trouble makers for this ridiculous idea.

At this the hobbits and dwarves –Pippin, Merry, Fili and Kili- burst into laughter. The sudden outbreak caused each and every member in the room to inch ever closer to the black and sturdy walls behind them.

"Oh no," Gandalf fearfully muttered

"What in Mahal's name did I do to deserve this?" Thorin wondered.

"This cannot be good," Legolas sighed.

"We are doomed to die a terrible death!" Sam basically wailed.

"Well I really must applaud them for a job done well but now I really want out!" Bilbo cried out in fear.

Instantly the laughter stopped.

"Let me explain then," Merry finally interrupted the traumatized speakers, "It is quite simple really. These readers happen to be incredible people from another world entirely. In their world they can watch and read our greatest adventures - among many others. So we being the responsible bunch left a request for these amazing people. We asked them to come up with questions to ask you. Effectively an interview. These questions know no bounds, however, personal or not you must answer them."

"What will happen if we don't," Aragorn asked wearily.

"Glad you asked," Kili piped up cheerily, "You will either answer them or suffer the very severe, painful and embarrassing consequences."

"Well that's just grand," Thranduil ground out.

"As I was saying," Merry picked up where he left off, "Once you have answered all of these questions your fans have been dying to know, you will be let out."

"Simple then," Gimli grumbled.

"Well not quite," Fili smirked at the confused and wary looks of the ragtag group of middle earthians.

"Anyway," Pippin continued, "Are you willing to follow our rules and answer the questions or would you rather stay in this dreadful hole?"

"If we agree are we guaranteed an escape?" Gandalf questioned thoughtfully, obviously underestimating their circumstance.

"Yes," the four chirped.

"Then I suppose we have no choose but to agree," Gandalf finally said, a chorus of protests rising up behind him. He hushed them quickly. "But don't forget the moment we get out of here you will be punished severely." The four winced at this but their smiles of success never faded.

"Very well then, we start once we receive the letters." Fili grinned.

***Exactly one hour later***

"Were my eyes deceiving me," Legolas started, "Or were they the eagles that delivered those letters?"

"Aye," Grinned Kili, "Funny though, I expected them to deliver the letters before we even arrived... According to them seeing you ragtag bunch driven through torture was more than enough reason for them to deliver the letters for us. That and they seemed to have taken a liking to our readers"

"What honourable eagles you have Mithrandir," Muttered Lindir sarcastically not at all happy about being stuck here. Who knew Elves even understood what sarcasm was?

They are not mine," Gandalf grumbled, "But this betrayal shall not be taken lightly!" he added with perhaps a little too much emphasis.

"Well anyway," Merry said, "I'd say it's high time we read this first letter," he called out gleefully waving it in air like he was successful at something for once in his life. And perhaps he was.

"OK," Merry began, "This is what it says,

**_"Question by: Man o' Steel_**

Question for Gandalf,

Why didn't you ride the eagles to Mordor?"

Everyone thought for a moment letting the question sink in. Gandalf started to choke on his pipe which he had been smoking since arrival. After a while everyone began to slowly look to Gandalf with mostly accusing or very, very angry looks upon their face. The latter namely the fellowship.

"Yes," Aragorn said gripping his sword tightly, "Why is that?"

Gandalf drew in few deep breaths trying to clear his lungs of the remaining smoke before finally looking up to answer.

"Well actually there is many reasons. For starters it's not like I was finding moths flying around everywhere now is it? And the eagles do have their own lives. Oh and of course you cannot forget just how awesome I looked each time they flew in dramatically ready to save us and turn the tides of war." Looking around Gandalf saw all the disbelieving by looks upon their faces. They weren't impressed. He sighed seemingly in defeat muttering a curse under his breath.

"But the real reason is - and let's pray to the gods they don't hear this - Well these great eagles... Have no sense of direction whatsoever. I mean for goodness sake they have to follow a moth to find us! They flew right past Mordor three times trying to save Frodo and Sam! I'm surprise no one ever asked why they always arrived just on time! It was pure luck they even made it at all! If it wasn't for their non-existent sense of direction I could have cut the journeys in half maybe even into a third of what they were! They might as well be blind!"

After finishing his rant Gandalf looked around many familiar faces to see pure shock. Well after all even Gandalf had been surprised upon finding out the first time. That most certainly was a day he wished he could forget.

Kili was the first to recover.  
"Well um. Thank you Man o' Steel for that question, but uh we seem to be running low on time so let's continue on to the next question then."

No one seemed to recover so he took the liberty of reading the next letter himself.

**_"Question by: Just A Reviewer,_**

Legolas:  
Is Thranduil a good King? Because the movies portray him as selfish and heartless, whereas the book portrays him jewel-loving and generous.

Legolas quickly snapped out of stupor at hearing his name. His next expression made him seem as though he was deep in thought, but didn't it always?

Thranduil attempted and failed to hide his interest.

"Well," Legolas began after a good long while, "I myself believe my father to be a very good King in his own way. While he may seem cold and heartless at times he really is a very generous, kind hearted soul. Everything he does is to protect his people and Kingdom."

Thranduil looked touched by this.

"However, good King or not I never really saw him as a father. A role model as a King maybe but never a father."

Thranduil now looked like he couldn't decide whether to be hurt or proud of his son's words.

Legolas seemed ashamed at the words he had spoken as he bent his head to stare at the ground. However Aragorn and Gimli were quick to comfort him.

All heads turned to Thranduil watching his reaction. Or well really his breakdown, as he just collapsed to the ground clutching a hand to his heart.

"Noooo! How could you betray me son!? Why!?" Was his last spoken words.

I suppose he decided to be offended then.

Kili tore his eyes away from the rather disturbing scene before turning to Gandalf and saying.

"Just a reviewer also asks:"

"**_Gandalf:  
Why did you lose your pointy hat while being the White? I thought you loved your pointy hat!"_**

Said wizard sighed before rubbing his temple seemingly in thought. Actually those who knew him saw it as a more reminiscing look than anything else.

"Ah yes, my great, gray, pointy hat of awesomeness. You are correct in saying I loved it. But it never quite complemented my luscious white hair the way it complemented my grey. It never felt the same without it though. I can't deny missing it dearly either. But I did the right thing in the end by letting it go. After all, all good things must come to end otherwise we never learn to appreciate them."

A tear slid down Gandalf's cheek.

"Gee Gandalf, your too dramatic." Merry snorted rolling his eyes. "I believe it should have fallen off his head during his battle with the Balrog. End of story."

Pippin laughed before saying. "And let it go? You made us give it a burial in the middle of Fangorn forest when there were much more important issues to deal with."

"Yes well," Gandalf muttered, "I've had that hat for as long as I can remember. You can't blame me for being a bit hysterical at the time. I really did love it."

"You're crazy." Fili decided.

"Well thanks for that Just A Reviewer. I hope he sufficed you with his…interesting answer. Anyway next question," Fili said trying to keep up the pace,

"Pip the Dark Lord of All says:

For Pippin: Would you eat 10 meals a day?  
Did Merry and you ever steal food from Rivendell's larder?  
For Gandalf: Is Shadowfax the fastest horse in Middle-Earth?  
For Aragorn: Is Brego the fastest horse in Middle-Earth?  
For Elrond: What did you think of the hobbits bursting into your secret council?  
That's all for now! Pip"

"Well thanks for those Pip, time to get answering," Kili grinned.

Pippin began, "Would I eat 10 meals a day? Well of course I would! In fact I would eat 15 no 20! Oh Hobbits I could even start naming them! We should start a new menu in the Shire!"

"Hey Pip," Merry nudged him, "Don't you think your getting a bit carried away?" But Pippin was having none of it.

"First we would have Pre- Breakfast, then Second Breakfast, Elevensies, Luncheon, after-Lunch, Afternoon Tea, Dinner, Supper, the Stomach Settler!"

Frodo was the first to break the stunned silence by a roaring laughter, "Well first of all, before you invent a new menu for Hobbits you should learn some better naming skills. I mean seriously the Stomach Settler!"

"Yes Pippin, you really must relax," Sam jumped at the chance to help Frodo, and at the same time pulled a disgusted face at the drool dripping from the corner of Pippin's mouth.

"Yeah…let's just move on." Fili added as he backed away from the fool of a Took, shooting a glance in Elrond's direction.

Elrond nodded in understanding.

"My dear Hobbits, might I ask, did you raid Rivendell's larder? I do believe it would explain the missing three wheels of cheese, two mushroom sacks, half a dozen loafs of elvish bread, two shelves of wine, one barrel of rum,and an entire years worth of Old Toby."

"Oh well um..." Merry began.

"Yes well you see.." Pippin continued having recovered from his day dream.

"It was his idea!" They both shouted in unison pointing at each other.

Once again Elrond was nodding, "So you did raid the larder." It was a statement not a question.

"Yes we're very sorry," Merry muttered.

"But not really!" Pippin chirped in unhelpfully.

"Hush Pippin! They don't need to know that!" Merry hissed.

"You should both hang you heads in shame." Gandalf stated simply, but of course with no effect.

"Actually," Merry began, "I believe it is time to test your honesty, and don't crack some stupid statement about wizards being neither honest nor dishonest because they always say precisely what they mean too.

Now answer the question, is Shadowfax the fastest horses in middle-Earth?"

"Yes, pray tell," Aragorn said narrowing his eyes in the process.

"Well of course. He didn't earn his name as king of the horses for nothing." Gandalf stated as if it was obvious.

"…And we wizards do always say precisely what we mean to!." He added indignantly.

"Than what of Brego, Argorn?" Merry interrogated.

"Well as much as I hate to admit it. Shadowfax really is the fastest horse in Middle-Earth. But Brego most definitely takes second."

Legolas almost rolled his eyes at that. Almost. But he didn't, because if he did he would be showing emotion. "You only say that because you challenged Gandalf to a race and lost 15 gold coins over it."

"Well you never know who the fastest horse is until you race 'em. Besides Brego would have won if he was in his prime years."

Gandalf actually snorted at that."No. Quite simply, Shadowfax, the king of horses, is obviously the fastest. Prime years or not."

Everyone sighed as Gandalf and Aragorn continued to bicker over something as trivial as who had the faster horse.

"So Elrond what did you think of the Hobbits bursting into your secret council?" Fili questioned completely ignoring the two oblivious idiots.

This seemed to shift most of the attention to the Hobbits and the elf Lord.

To everyone surprised he began to laugh, "It was quite the surprised indeed. In all my millennia I don't think I've ever seen something quite like it. To be frank I'm impressed they even sneaked passed my two faithful guards." Merry, Pippin and Sam seemed to relax at this. Well momentarily anyway.

Elrond's voice suddenly turned dead serious."However if you ever try something like that again there shall be severe consequences. I might even send you to bed with no dinner!" The last sentence was only said half jokingly .

His threat was rewarded with three strained gulps.

"Well then," Kili quickly interrupted attempting to save his new friends from the danger they had gotten themselves into.

"Um thanks Pip, although you may have possibly ended the lives of Merry, Pippin and Sam. However I do believe though that we have finally answered all the questions. "

"Aye that we did. For today anyway," Fili grinned."It seems rather late though so perhaps we should be getting some rest. After all we are going to need it to answer more questions tomorrow."

At that moment a harsh and violent screech of none other than an eagle could be heard. And as if that wasn't weird enough Gandalf was in full panic mode. The occupants of the room never thought they'd have the chance to see that.

In a matter of seconds a tremendously loud crash was heard. Everyone dove for cover as rocks and debris splintered through the air. A large talon shot through the new hole gripping Gandalf by the head. Said wizard let out a rather unusual screech as he was lifted from the ground. As sudden as it had came the talon retreated with Gandalf in tow.

"Ah," Merry laughed, "I do believe that the eagles have come for revenge. I'm sure they will return our wizard within the day. Hopefully. We do need to continue with our interviews after all."

The occupants hardly seemed to notice Gandalf's abrupt disappearance though.

Looking around the room the four mischief makers observed Aragorn seething and shouting at Legolas in Elvish, And a few members of the fellowship- namely Gimli and Boromir- chanting fight in a circle around them.

Looking further Thorin and Thranduil were having a regal thumb war with a company of Dwarves and Elves alike cheering them on.

And finally searching to the very edges of the room revealed Bilbo, Frodo and Sam hiding in the corner having a smoke as they watched the very likely events unfolding before them.

All up it could've been worse.

**A/n: So this is the end of the first proper chapter. Oh and sorry about the very OOC characters it was hard to come up with interesting situations. Although I honestly have no idea how I did with this chapter let me know okay?**

**I have decided to make it how one character will be reviewed a chapter from now on. All credit for that idea goes to Pip-the-Dark-Lord-of-All.****(Thanks for the suggestion by the way :D).**

**In the next chapter Aragorn will be interviewed solely since he seems to be having a rather rough time of it and I can't wait to make it worse. ;p**

**And also to the Guest****who left a very large list of questions I will devote a chapter solely to those questions as there is so many and that chapter will be up in a few days.**

**That's all for now.**

**Don't forget to send in your questions for Aragorn, and also requests for who you would like to interview next.**

**Bye.**


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